The One Thing I Would Have Changed

Last night as my fiancé and I were talking, he said to me: “The thing that has shocked me the most about getting engaged and preparing for marriage is how natural it has been.  It’s been the easiest choice I’ve ever made.”

I couldn’t agree with him more.

We are just a little over 20 days away from getting married, and finding my spouse has been so different from what I imagined.  I thought it would be a complicated, agonizing process during which some massive sign appeared in the sky.  I thought finding my vocation might be like going through a confusing maze; or that God would actually give me an order, a loud command, telling me what to do.

I didn’t know it would be so natural, organic and so very simple—not something to be searched for in the distance, but something that would materialize right in front of me.  Not a command, but an invitation from God that gently unfolded through the reality of my life.  A gift that God would lovingly give me (which I had the complete freedom to choose or not choose).

It’s been so simple.  God’s ways with us are always simple (though not easy).  Yet so much of the time we greatly complicate the Christian life.  

We pray incessantly that God will guide us, that He will let His will be done in us, but then we question every single thing in our lives.  

“Am I where I’m supposed to be?  Am I in God’s will?  Or did I miss His will for my life?  Has God forgotten me?  How am I going to figure out my vocation?  How am I going to figure out my whole life?”

Take a deep breath and relax.  Because you don’t have to figure out your whole life.  You only need to say yes to God today.  To do what’s right in front of you today.  To love those God has put in your life today.  And God will do the rest.

“My burden is easy and my yoke is light.” -Matthew 11:30

The walk with Jesus is truly light if we walk with trust—complete trust in His goodness and abandonment to His Divine Providence.  But trust is all too often the very thing we lack, and it’s the one thing about my life I would have changed.

In looking back on the path that led me to my vocation there’s not much I’d do differently.  I wouldn’t have tried more online dating websites.  I wouldn’t have tried to meet more men.  I wouldn’t have lost more weight, or tried to make myself more attractive, richer or more successful.  I wouldn’t have prayed more novenas for a husband.  

The last several years I prayed the best I could.  I lived the best I could.  I did God’s will and followed His voice the best I knew how.  But I wish I would have trusted more—trusted that God would prove much more faithful to me than I have been to Him all these years.  That He really did have a good plan for my life.  That He truly was holding me in the palm of His hand, guiding my every step, and writing my love story (even when I didn’t realize it).

If you find yourself feeling lost, confused, afraid (or even panicked about your life or vocation), you’re not alone!  This is part of being human.  But from time and time (or even daily!) we need to be reminded that more than God wants anything, He wants our trust.

Trust that God is good.  That He is a loving Father who is closer to you than you are to yourself.  Trust that He has led you right to where you are today, and He will not abandon you.  Trust that He has a future full of hope for you, and He will unfold it before your eyes in His perfect though mysterious time.  

And enjoy where you are.  Because it’s right where you need to be.

Be His,

Kara