High Standards or Nit-Picking?

“Blonde hair, blue eyes, politician or movie star, goes to mass and adoration every day, from Europe, speaks at least four languages.”

In my early high school years this was the list of what I wanted in my future husband.  I put in the order of all the specifics I had in mind for a spouse (I also told God how I wanted my husband to dress, act, sound, seem), and I was sure God would deliver.  Because that’s how it works, right?  We know better than God, and get to tell Him how our life should unfold?

I’m sure you can relate.  Many of us have something extremely particular in mind when it comes to our vocations.  And while it’s good to know what we want, there’s a difference between having high standards, and being TOO picky.  Nit-picky.

What’s the difference?  Here are a few examples.


Standard to be valued:

“I want someone who shares my faith, morals and values, and genuinely loves Jesus Christ.”


“I want a guy that is the holiest guy I have ever met.  Holier than I am.  And even holier than any priest, nun, or in fact any other human being I’ve ever known.”


Standard to be valued:

“I want a guy who is striving to be chaste, and is continuously growing in the virtue of chastity.”


“I want a guy who has never fallen into ANY sexual temptation or sin ever, in any way.”


Standard to be valued:

“I want someone I am genuinely attracted to.”


“I want a guy who looks like a model.”


Standard to be valued:

“I want a guy I get along with, and can communicate honestly and freely with.  Even if it takes work and is difficult at times.”


“I want a guy I never have one moment of difficulty, hardship, or discomfort with.”


There was a moment in my single-hood where I had to really evaluate what I was looking for in a husband, and ask myself:

“Was I looking for a superhero or a man?”

A man will disappoint us at times.  A man will sometimes let us down.  A man won’t relate to us the way our girlfriends do.  A man won’t be able to read our minds, or know all the inner workings of our heart the way Jesus does.  

But it is so beautiful and good and holy to fall in love with a man.  In all of his imperfection and masculine beauty.  And to let God write your love story.

I would encourage you to keep your most important standards, but to truly surrender everything else to Jesus.  Lay at His feet the idea of the man you think you want, and let Him bring into your life the man you truly need.

And trust He is working.


Be His,